Saturday, June 27, 2015

chasing waterfalls

Recently a good friend of mine, Laura, recently came into town to visit from New York. I have a fair amount of friends who are eager to let me photograph them, not not very many that are equally as interested in being behind the lens. I don't get to see her all too often, but whenever we comes we always find ourselves taking long drives on mountain roads and exploring all kinds of places around our southwestern Virginia home.

I really needed this. I don't have a lot of time to do these sorts of things like I used to. It was so, so nice.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

finding my line

I'm going to be honest. I've been a bit of a pushover for most of my life, a doormat, both in relationships with friends significant others, even family on occasion. I don't like confrontation, and I don't like having enemies. So I've always let people take advantage of me and look the other way.

I'm not playing the victim, I definitely wouldn't consider this one of my better qualities. I try not to complain. I make it easy, I don't like saying no, and I like doing things for other people without expecting anything in return. At a point, it goes to far and you're the go-to girl for selfish favors.

Lately, after I'm halfway through one of the toughest years of my like thus far, after maturing quite a bit and taking a closer look at the way people treat me, and the way I treat them, it looks like I'm finding my line.

Over the last decade of my life through my relationships and friendships I see the things that I've put up with, I get consumed by embarrassment and feeling pathetic, and then in turn feeling sorry for myself. I've found myself thinking where is my line? How far does someone have to go for me to be done, for me to say, okay, that's it, I don't need to deal with this, and you need to go.

This is both liberating, refreshing, and terrifying. If I start to let go (I don't like to say "cut out") of people who've have pushed too far, how many people will I be left with? But it's becoming clearer that the stress these people bring to my life is greater than the company.

And for any other humans out here that can relate to this, who are wondering where their line is: you may have to go through a decent amount of crap, but it'll turn up. There is a point where there is a line, and you are the only person allowed on the other side.